I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
