The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
