I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
