I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
