Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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