i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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