You just made me feel so damn special
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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