dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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