just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
