Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
