THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
