when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
