I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
