The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
