I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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