We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
