also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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