Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
