matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
