dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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