So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
