just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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