let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
