I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
