Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I won the penis lottery.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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