i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and she was petting her beer can
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My ass is underappreciated
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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