marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
