I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
