apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
