I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
