Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
