I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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