OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
