I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
