So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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