Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
bring money and cleavage
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
