My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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