So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
