Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
