We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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