If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
