ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
