you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Two words: blizzard sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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