Yo dont text me then not text me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
