Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
