I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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