guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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