I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dicks are not precious.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
