i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
