His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
