My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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